If I Do, If I Don't

I feel small and miserable, here or there it doesn't matter because in either place you're still dead. I can't abide by the loss of you. The depth of my pain is matched only by my will to become human again. I loved you, and I am glad at least that your pain is over, but I miss you. You left us all, like we didn't need or want you around, but we did. I'm sorry that you didn't feel you were worth it, because you are...were. The world, like with every great loss, feels wrong without you in it. My heart is broken, missing a piece of itself, the piece that died with you. There is no safe retreat, no magic set of words, no pill or drink or distraction that will heal this, only time. There is no cure for this but time.