Understanding

Understand is such a common place word these days, but somehow I think it has lost a bit of it's meaning. It used to be a term of sympathy, of empathy really, to understand was to appreciate another point of view, to see a situation through the eyes of another. Now to understand is a dismissive word people use when what they really mean is I don't want to listen anymore, but that seems too harsh to say out loud. I understand means, I have reasoned a way to line up and box in your perspective so it fits within mine. While those two things may feel the same, they aren't. I guess that's why when you say I understand, it just isn't as comforting as it once was.

Close The Book

I have written the untold tale, all the things I never said out loud when you were here, all the thoughts I kept to myself. I've written you a thousand letters I will never send. I play all the right songs at all the perfect moments, knowing you are too far away to hear them. My secret narrative tells all about how the thought of being responsible for your happiness terrified me more than anything has ever terrified me before, how I still run my hands along the things you touched searching for your echoes, how I lied when I made it seem like I had ever been more special than in your eyes, how being with you was the first time falling in love felt plausible, how watching you leave me behind is like ripping out a piece of my soul, how I miss you so much sometimes I forget to breathe, how seeing you happy means more than any painful part possibly could, how sorry I am I didn't stay, how I love you, how I always will. The truth is, even if I wanted to show you my words it would be impossible, those two people no longer exist. You and I are just a story no one reads anymore. Here on the last unvoiced page, it finally reads: The End.

Flood Gates

Break apart my life, bury myself under the weight of all it's pieces. Pour the rain down and take away my umbrella, bring the thunder and the lightning, leave me gasping for air. Do your worst, give me all you've got. I will swim, I will break free, I will escape, I will survive. You can not ever beat me down so far I will not get up again. I have felt the weight of the world, I know I can carry it. You will not win, here, now or ever. I may not always be stronger than you, but I can outlast you in every course. Let everything else fall away, I will stand, I will hold on, I will endure.

Empathy Pains

When your heart breaks my heart breaks too, once for me and once for you. When you shed tears I shed tears too, once for me and once for you. When you bleed I bleed too, once for me and once for you. Heartache compounded, my love for you runs deep. You are not alone, I am here, right here, where I always have been. I am hoping as hard as I can while you despair, I will fill up the world with good thoughts for you. Don't give up, because I won't ever give up on you.

The Price We Pay

Happiness is not free, understanding is not free, change is not free. We, each of us, pay a price for the things we so desperately crave. True appreciation is most often followed only by great hurt. In order to gain the full spectrum of happiness, we must go through the full spectrum of sorrow, only in this way will you be able to tell how immense the difference between the two. Know my friend, that when it cuts too deep, when you feel too tired, when it hurts too much, this is the price. You are paying it now, so that later when your happiness arrives it will be more splendid and more significant than it ever could have been before.

Internal Monologue

It's not that I don't think you will understand (well maybe that's exactly it) I just don't see the point.  I have this entire world inside my head I don't let you (or most people) in on. It's not personal, or elitist, I'm not keeping things from you out of spite. On purpose, and often, but not with malicious intent. You just have this idea of me so set in your head, what is the point of arguing with you? I am still who I am regardless of your opinion, that doesn't change because you cant see it. Still, I wonder sometimes if you know what you are missing out on deciding what I think before I say it. And even more often I wonder if you will ever know who I am apart from your preconceived notions. It's pretty awesome in my little world, I'm sad you won't ever get to see it.

Origami Stars

I know you don't know my name. I know you have no idea how much we have in common. I know you have no clue that without knowing it you picked out my favorite color, favorite song, favorite movie, favorite quote and favorite food. I had no idea things would turn out this way, but I have never been more glad about a chance taken. I know you don't realize this yet, but you and I are going to mean so much to each other.