The Blind Hope

There is no neon light, no green indicator, no buzzer that sounds or clouds that part and shine down heavenly light. I won't be wearing a sign saying "Me! I'm the one! I'm super special!" when you meet me. Though my dazzle may take time to find, it is there. Like a good book well worn and re-read, the deeper you look the better I get, but you have to take the time to learn the story. If you do not see me, the failure of sight is in you, I am still here regardless. The lack of your being able to find my allure, does not change it's existence.  You can disapprove all you like, but I'm waiting for the heart that learns my beat, and I refuse to settle for anything less.

Say Cheese

In daily life, in passing, the smile does not receive a great deal of contemplation or fret. To a person with happiness to spare, a smile is a sign of the feelings bubbling up inside them. To a person with deep sorrow a smile is a hope for a better tomorrow. To a person in an uncomfortable situation a smile is a way to deflect the incoming uncertainty. Much of the time, a smile is no more than an extension of the feelings happening inside a person. A smile is, and nothing more, except when it isn't. A missing smile is where all the attention about smiles occur. Once a smile goes missing, people big and little will do all kinds of things to get it back. So really, the most important part of a smile is that it exists. :)

In Retrospect

Sometimes I look back and realize how different it was, not for the worse, but for the better. I re-read the letters you sent, and relive the times we shared and I realize just how special and amazing it all really was. I'm lucky, though in the end things didn't work out, I had something very special and uncommon in you, a real love. I wish I had behaved better, been nicer, been so much less consumed by my fears. I don't wish things were different now, because I know you are happy, and really that is all I ever wanted. I know what being loved feels like, you taught me. I made many mistakes in my time, but none ever so big as taking you for granted. So if you wonder sometimes if I'm ok and happy, I am. I take great comfort knowing it is possible for someone to love me with all of their heart, it's something I never believed before you.

Narrative

Life is a story, tell yours.

Ghost Busters

A spark in the dark, a hope in your heart, a sureness of spirit and strength of a thankful mind can protect you! Shine a light on the ghostly creatures in the corner! Beat them back with your brightness! Be brave! Be bold! Be creative! Fill the void with dreams of things to come, with determination, with love and knowledge! Look upon them and be afraid no longer! What can a ghost do but talk, but whisper? What power does a ghost have that you don't give it? What would they become if you didn't listen? None. Not the slightest bit. Nothing. You are you, and that is all you have to be. You are the best you there is, not a single other person out there has the same combination of things that make up you. You are unique and one of a kind! You are special in a way that only YOU can be. If you ever find yourself in the dark my friend, I will always let you borrow my flashlight.

Ghosts

They exist right there on the edge of you just far enough out that you can't always see them. You feel them though, haunting you. Past reflections of things gone wrong, changes you wish you could make, chances you wish you had taken, broken hopes and fallen dreams. Personal ghosts whispering siren songs in your ear. Disturbingly present and persistent at all times, growing louder and more fierce with every doubt. They lead you off course with a pull so strong you almost don't even realize it has happened until it's too late and you are headed over the cliff into the jagged rocks below. They twist and turn everything inside you, mutate it until confidence becomes arrogance, nobility becomes selfishness, aspirations become impossibilities, mistakes become regrets, anticipation becomes fear and hopes turn bitter and sour, until the you that once was becomes.... haunted.

Understanding

Understand is such a common place word these days, but somehow I think it has lost a bit of it's meaning. It used to be a term of sympathy, of empathy really, to understand was to appreciate another point of view, to see a situation through the eyes of another. Now to understand is a dismissive word people use when what they really mean is I don't want to listen anymore, but that seems too harsh to say out loud. I understand means, I have reasoned a way to line up and box in your perspective so it fits within mine. While those two things may feel the same, they aren't. I guess that's why when you say I understand, it just isn't as comforting as it once was.