Imaginary Worlds

There are giant ball pits and you have to take a slide to get everywhere. No one cares what you look like or what you wear only that you are yourself. It rains mint chip ice cream every Wednesday and you only have to go to work if you like your job. The libraries always have the books you want to read and there is always a giant fluffy chair available. Saturdays are adventure days and everyone gets on a giant pirate ship to sail for distant shores and buried treasure. You love me here and we make each other immeasurably happy.

I like the idea we got to be happy together somewhere, at least.

Once In A While

It's a little sad, but I need people to ignore me sometimes. If they don't I get this irrational fear I'm required for people to be happy. What happens after that is a blind panic that I might disappoint them, and the pressure cracks me like an egg. I know it's ridiculous. I hope I get over this someday, because I would really really like to make you happy :)

In The Future

When I think about being happy, you are always the one making it happen. I wonder if you realize just how precious you are to me. I wish I knew the right words, but you were always better at that than me anyway.

This Is Where I Live

I don't care what tomorrow brings, as long as it brings an end to tonight. I hope my life does not end up being just a series of unfortunate events. Tonight, right now, through the tears of my defeat I don't feel like much. The trouble with believing in things wholeheartedly is if defeat comes, it is your whole heart that gets defeated. Though I may not have found it today, my hope still lies with the future. I get up every single morning with the possibility, though yesterday did not, today might belong to me.  I am noble enough, and tomorrow is close enough that one more blow, though it may crush and wrench and break, will not kill. The world doesn't care if I failed today, it takes me along ceaselessly and always gives me another chance to prove myself.

The Almost, Always.

Chin up, hang in there, hold on, hold out, be strong, be brave, be patient, keep going, don't stop, this is a marathon not a sprint, everything in due time... yes, I've heard all these before.  I'm sorry if I seem despondent, it's not that I distrust your intentions, I've just been losing so long I don't remember how it feels to win anymore. So please, withhold your words of wisdom. I don't need to be reminded I live in a world of perpetual almost, I promise you, I didn't forget.

Helpless

What a terrible price to pay for loving someone. Bereavement is a ridiculous consequence for caring about someone.

Twinkling Lights

When you are down in the city you would never know it looks so beautiful from above. In the middle of things it all seems so busy, so singular, so one dimensional, if you never stop to see the bigger landscape it is all brake lights and traffic signals. Looking at the painting from atop, high above the hustle and the bustle it becomes a giant expanse of twinkling lights. If you never stop to see where all those little pieces fit, you miss the lovely picture it all turns out to be. It all makes me feel so lucky. Wouldn't you be happy too? If your world was just a giant expanse of twinkling lights? I guess this really is a city filled with stars...