On Purpose

We are all meant for something. No one is here by accident. No one is an extra piece. If you ever feel like you don't belong, it only means you haven't found your place yet. With so many tiny pieces, the wrong place can look like the right one sometimes.

When The Light Goes Out

I am sorry my darling, that you find life so hard today. I know when you feel like this there is not much I can say to change it. I know you feel like you are standing all alone in the dark. Just remember, everything there in the light is still there in the dark. I know you can't see it, I know while being hidden from you everything feels as though it has gone. It hasn't, I'm still here, everything is still here. When again the light comes on you will find all the important things just as you left them. I'll hold your hand in the dark, that way even if you can't see me, you won't feel alone.

Broken

I know it all seems so sad to you. I know when you look in from the outside you see a sad wisp of a person struggling to get by. I am not so broken as this, I find beauty everywhere, including myself. I think you misunderstand, when I say I'm sad, or things are hard, I don't mean I'm giving up. This is not a white flag of surrender, it is a battle cry. When I say this hurts so badly I think I may die, what I mean is, I will find a way out if it kills me.

As The Evening Comes To A Close

I love you. I end every good night, every conversation, to you with those words. I want to make sure those words of fondness and caring are the last words I say to you before we part ways. I hope to always send you out into the world or off to dreams with love. I may wake up to find you gone one day, and I never want you to wonder. I love you, I miss you when we are apart, I think you are so incredibly special, I hope and wish nothing but good for you, I believe in you with all of my heart. If it is the last thing I say I'll be glad. Never too much, never too soon or too often is love. I believe everything, no matter how small should end on love.

A Little Less Than Normal

It is ok if you have had enough for today, let the minute hand wipe the slate clean, soon it will be tomorrow. You can make a new normal, it doesn't have to be this. Just hold my hand, close your eyes, and count to three. Did that change anything? No? I didn't expect it would, it's just sort of nice not to have to feel this way all alone.

Save Our Ship

I regret to inform you, the person you are looking for is dead. Every effort was made to sustain them, but in the end it just wasn't enough. I will be filling in until a suitable replacement can be found. I understand you are confused, and for a while it will be difficult to adjust. Please calm down, I can't undo this, I don't possess the knowledge or the power. I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, please accept my most sincere apologies for your loss.

If Left Unsaid

I don't know when or how it happened; you and I speak a different language now. I feel like my words are all broken, I can't get any of them to work right or mean what they are supposed to. I find no cellar door, I find no poetry, I find no meaning. I just don't know how to talk to you anymore.

A Proposal

Dear Future Husband,
              I promise to love you with one hundred percent of my heart. I promise to always try and make you happy. I promise to love you just as you are and not try to make you anything else. I promise to love every unique part of you, and to cultivate your youness whenever I can. I promise to be your best friend and to share my heart with you. I promise I won't need the world or the sun or the moon to be brought down and given to me as a gift, I won't need a lot of money, I won't need a fancy car, I will only need your love and happiness to foster mine. I promise to keep looking for you until I find you. I promise not to lose hope that you are out there somewhere and I will find you some day. I promise I'm out here, waiting to find you too.

Love,
      Your Future Wife. 

Abandonment Issues

There was a time when I was real, I know there was. At least, I think there was.

Imaginary Worlds

There are giant ball pits and you have to take a slide to get everywhere. No one cares what you look like or what you wear only that you are yourself. It rains mint chip ice cream every Wednesday and you only have to go to work if you like your job. The libraries always have the books you want to read and there is always a giant fluffy chair available. Saturdays are adventure days and everyone gets on a giant pirate ship to sail for distant shores and buried treasure. You love me here and we make each other immeasurably happy.

I like the idea we got to be happy together somewhere, at least.

Once In A While

It's a little sad, but I need people to ignore me sometimes. If they don't I get this irrational fear I'm required for people to be happy. What happens after that is a blind panic that I might disappoint them, and the pressure cracks me like an egg. I know it's ridiculous. I hope I get over this someday, because I would really really like to make you happy :)

In The Future

When I think about being happy, you are always the one making it happen. I wonder if you realize just how precious you are to me. I wish I knew the right words, but you were always better at that than me anyway.

This Is Where I Live

I don't care what tomorrow brings, as long as it brings an end to tonight. I hope my life does not end up being just a series of unfortunate events. Tonight, right now, through the tears of my defeat I don't feel like much. The trouble with believing in things wholeheartedly is if defeat comes, it is your whole heart that gets defeated. Though I may not have found it today, my hope still lies with the future. I get up every single morning with the possibility, though yesterday did not, today might belong to me.  I am noble enough, and tomorrow is close enough that one more blow, though it may crush and wrench and break, will not kill. The world doesn't care if I failed today, it takes me along ceaselessly and always gives me another chance to prove myself.

The Almost, Always.

Chin up, hang in there, hold on, hold out, be strong, be brave, be patient, keep going, don't stop, this is a marathon not a sprint, everything in due time... yes, I've heard all these before.  I'm sorry if I seem despondent, it's not that I distrust your intentions, I've just been losing so long I don't remember how it feels to win anymore. So please, withhold your words of wisdom. I don't need to be reminded I live in a world of perpetual almost, I promise you, I didn't forget.

Helpless

What a terrible price to pay for loving someone. Bereavement is a ridiculous consequence for caring about someone.

Twinkling Lights

When you are down in the city you would never know it looks so beautiful from above. In the middle of things it all seems so busy, so singular, so one dimensional, if you never stop to see the bigger landscape it is all brake lights and traffic signals. Looking at the painting from atop, high above the hustle and the bustle it becomes a giant expanse of twinkling lights. If you never stop to see where all those little pieces fit, you miss the lovely picture it all turns out to be. It all makes me feel so lucky. Wouldn't you be happy too? If your world was just a giant expanse of twinkling lights? I guess this really is a city filled with stars...