If I Do, If I Don't

I feel small and miserable, here or there it doesn't matter because in either place you're still dead. I can't abide by the loss of you. The depth of my pain is matched only by my will to become human again. I loved you, and I am glad at least that your pain is over, but I miss you. You left us all, like we didn't need or want you around, but we did. I'm sorry that you didn't feel you were worth it, because you are...were. The world, like with every great loss, feels wrong without you in it. My heart is broken, missing a piece of itself, the piece that died with you. There is no safe retreat, no magic set of words, no pill or drink or distraction that will heal this, only time. There is no cure for this but time.

Dear You, It's Me, Don't Worry.

Please don't be alarmed, I know this is may sound a little strange but I have a message for you from the future. I just want you to know I'm out here somewhere. Don't be discouraged we haven't found each other yet, we will. The universe made you for me, that's why you don't fit with anyone else. You are already taken. I'm sorry it manifests itself in hurtful ways sometimes. When they look at you they know, you simply don't belong to them. Any of the things making you feel insecure or silly will disappear when we're together, those things will be what I love most about you. Any reason they had for not choosing you will seem stupid to me. I will look at you and see every special thing they overlooked. We are going to love each other so much. Our friends will make faces at how cute we are. We are going to make jealous every person who passed you up, they will each regret missing out on you. We are going to fill photo album after photo album with perfect memories. I know it's difficult and lonely right now but don't lose hope. I love you. We are going to be so happy, you have no idea.

The Nothing.

Any of my time spent on you is wasted. It sounds harsh, I don't mean it to, this is simply the reality of things now. You don't realize yet that the chance you wasted wasn't your second, it was your last, but you will. I took great care in choosing each and every word I said aloud to mean exactly what I had inside. You can spin me promises of importance, of great meaning and change. Yours are just words though, you back them up with nothing, not even the courage of your convictions. You lack even enough respect for me to assume I mean what I say. You show my words so little value I wonder you heard them at all. Still, I forgive you. I'm not angry. I have nothing left to give you, and so I'm no longer worried about what it takes.

On Purpose

We are all meant for something. No one is here by accident. No one is an extra piece. If you ever feel like you don't belong, it only means you haven't found your place yet. With so many tiny pieces, the wrong place can look like the right one sometimes.

When The Light Goes Out

I am sorry my darling, that you find life so hard today. I know when you feel like this there is not much I can say to change it. I know you feel like you are standing all alone in the dark. Just remember, everything there in the light is still there in the dark. I know you can't see it, I know while being hidden from you everything feels as though it has gone. It hasn't, I'm still here, everything is still here. When again the light comes on you will find all the important things just as you left them. I'll hold your hand in the dark, that way even if you can't see me, you won't feel alone.

Broken

I know it all seems so sad to you. I know when you look in from the outside you see a sad wisp of a person struggling to get by. I am not so broken as this, I find beauty everywhere, including myself. I think you misunderstand, when I say I'm sad, or things are hard, I don't mean I'm giving up. This is not a white flag of surrender, it is a battle cry. When I say this hurts so badly I think I may die, what I mean is, I will find a way out if it kills me.

As The Evening Comes To A Close

I love you. I end every good night, every conversation, to you with those words. I want to make sure those words of fondness and caring are the last words I say to you before we part ways. I hope to always send you out into the world or off to dreams with love. I may wake up to find you gone one day, and I never want you to wonder. I love you, I miss you when we are apart, I think you are so incredibly special, I hope and wish nothing but good for you, I believe in you with all of my heart. If it is the last thing I say I'll be glad. Never too much, never too soon or too often is love. I believe everything, no matter how small should end on love.